![]() “If God’s word is the norm, the authority, you will have solid common ground on which to stand, come what may.” For the husband, it means looking to Christ as the standard by which he loves and leads his wife, and adopting his previous family’s practices only inasmuch as they accord with Christ. Her family of origin may aid that process or hinder it, but in either case, a reprioritizing happens. And when a husband and wife let God’s word define normal, the wife willingly comes under the leadership of her husband in submission, as Scripture directs her to reflect Christ’s church (Ephesians 5:22–25). In marriage, God is making something new: a new one-flesh union, that is, a new family. Including every good work in the sometimes thorny first years of marriage. We need to be led by the only authoritative and inerrant guide to life and marriage that we have:Īll Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work. If what was normal to us in our childhood becomes the ultimate standard for our marriage, we have misplaced our loyalties. Or they can threaten the allegiance of our hearts. Our former “norms” can enrich our marriage, adding interest and laughter and providing opportunities to take something that’s been passed down and make it new. For me, it was mainly for work - for mowing or burning the burn pile or doing animal chores. For him, it was mainly for recreation and enjoyment - for hiking or biking or kayaking. ![]() We had very different conceptions of what the “outdoors” was for. My husband grew up in a first-ring suburb of a major metropolis. I grew up on an acreage in a blue-collar town that bordered several rural communities. This made for very different ideas of what “normal” felt and sounded like. My husband had four cousins and had rarely encountered an infant or toddler at close range prior to marrying into my family. ![]() I became an aunt at 14 and can’t really remember a time we didn’t have young children around our home (even though I was the youngest child in my family). Even two people who share a similar heritage, like my husband and I, have had vastly different childhoods. Reflecting back on the first years of marriage and family, I commend three principles to ease the bumps and grease the wheels of joy in Christ in your marriage and family. I thought external bumps in the road would be the obstacles - circumstances like finances or health issues or job difficulties - when really it was our own flesh that presented the biggest problems. But that’s only because I underestimated how real and stubborn indwelling sin is. We both prized hard work - with an openness to risk-taking endeavors.Īs an engaged couple, with all we had going for us, it was hard for me to imagine what bumps we might face as we started down the road together. We both had Scandinavian heritage and understood the barbs that flew between Swedes and Norwegians. My would-be husband and I both loved Jesus, studied his word, cherished worship through song, desired many children, longed to be hospitable, and valued the home and the wife’s joyful place in it.
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